To turn my hurt to life. I sit and contemplate. Could it be, a reason for every hurt, every mixed conflict, moment of pain, sorrow and disillusionment, is eternal glory? Eternal glory that outweighs hurt and transforms to life? I pause and contemplate. I try to fix my eyes on what is eternal but struggle. Lord, be a banner over me and take me to the place you want me. Like a leaf that falls and dillydallies mid-air, I too dream to land on gentle waters, that purify the soul and unravel a renewed horizon of hope onto a new day.
Why did this happen? This happens, that happened. I don't understand why that happened. I would be fooling myself, speaking out of utter arrogance if I claimed to understand why it did. If my choice was mildly out of place, I would be in a different place now. A different place may produce a different outcome, a different outcome may produce a different life. What if I made a different choice? In my pursuit of truth, I stumble upon a realisation of human finitude. I don't get to make all choices so I don't get to see all things. I don't get to see all things so I don't get to know all things. I feel humbled as I return where I started. I'll no longer ask why it happened, I'll simply acknowledge that it did.
I wonder what it is about desire that swivels within layers of layers. I unfold and unfold but I find more layers. I contemplate upon these layers but I find unfolding questions. Were I to put into words what I see, I would remain stuck in a standstill. Yet desire ravages on the inside, yearning to be expressed. I lay me down in silence and stillness of thought. I hold onto what I do not see. I say to myself, I will wait for you.
Powerful moment in history, is now. The 'what if' factor is the lifesaver I wish to write on, in a humble attempt to express its power and influence in everyday affairs. Powerful moment in history, is now, as I step out to interact with those I attempt to avoid but cannot do without. What if, I was wrong to avoid them in the first place? I now contemplate as I am shown something too magnificent to express in words, by those I attempted to avoid. By Emmanuel Johnson
These days, I see things take a turn here and another there. The straight path which once was creates ever-forming interlinks I now try to make sense of. I am conflicted. My observation of its nature keeps me perplexed, as I see same and others hide beneath the same mask. In the final analysis, I realise a dedication to get to the root of this, and prevailing situations, which obstruct my search, as I continually seek meaning. By Emmanuel Johnson
Faithful and trustworthy saying, resounded in me, speeding past the tunnels of time to find me right where I am. Faithful and trustworthy saying, ingrained in me, with all majestic hope and expectation from the ones who love me dearly, with all their heart and might, that one day, maybe just maybe, it shall turn out to be my saving grace. How faithful, how trustworthy, is the path of the shining light, ever true, that shines brighter and brighter, unto the perfect day. Abide by it, my child. By Emmanuel Johnson
The blend is right, caught midway through emotions. Lay hold of the flash in all its beauty and radiance. Its textures so soothing, feeling so warming. A beauty to behold, a comforter in despair. And now, the rhythm is right, the passage is clear. All of God's children shall vibe in harmony. By Emmanuel Johnson
Father of the heavenly lights, I begin sincerely on a note of piety; expressing my gratitude for these situations and beings I find myself surrounded by everyday. I realise the soothing embrace of your grace upon my face everyday, and as I let your light soak in me, I acknowledge your tender loving-kindness on the inside and out. Purify my heart as I yonder on, these uncertain days, upholding the very hope you have planted in my soul. I ask that you abide with me, and grant me the grace to live as you have instructed. So help me, giver of all things good. Amen. By Emmanuel Johnson
Acquainted with you again; truly, you are no new companion because I have shared moments of reason, laughter and sadness with you for many, many years. But now, called into question by this new state, I ask myself more truthfully: can I recognise you any longer? You seem very different this time around. The state I find myself misleads; I work reasonably to find a way around it. But as I get to witness more states around, I realise ever-static banalities which shaped past encounters and meanings. Now I find that very interesting. By Emmanuel Johnson
The surreal state; an alternate rendition of how things could be right now. Some I see, vastly different, others, fairly similar to the current state. Oh the day shall come when I shall grab that piece to behold, for every time I have sat to conceive of utopia. The new state I contemplate, amidst its grandeur, frightens me, as I attempt to bring it to being. Living my fair share of states humbly, brings to mind, continuously, that, despite my fear, this and this surely is what I genuinely desire. By Emmanuel Johnson